amnesiac arithmetic

one day i started
counting
to try to purge you from my mind

first blessings
then sheep
then every fine behind

got all the way to
2.5
and almost cried out loud
cause that's how many kids we had
-or would have if you'd stuck around-

so i shook it off and pushed on through
getting caught again at
4
cause that's how many times you
swore
i'm sorry baby. i won't do that shit no more.
then all the way to
5
before i caught my breath and grinned
as i remembered each tender spot you kissed
see there i go again
6 - 7 - 8 - 15 - 22
wait - wasn't that your pager number back when i first met you?!
25
the times in five short years you've somehow made me scream...
in pleasure, passion, anger, pain...and last night in a dream
at 99
i realized the counting thing backfired
and i got scared thinking that's how old i'd be before
these memories expire