Seeking solace
From a self-imposed hell
Swinging pendulum wide
from step 2 to step 5 and back again
Angry at feeling so connected to another human being
Accepting of the reason for this overdue season of distance
Disappointed that I allowed myself to grow attached
despite early warnings of certain doom-state
(like a hurricane survivor who wouldn't -or couldn't?- evacuate)
Fearful of the permanence of change…the possibility
That once was…will never be again
Aching all around the edges of the gaping hole he left
Unsolicited images flood my brain
I move from one distracting task to the next
Taunted by
- a toothbrush & shampoo bottle overlooked in the rush
- leftovers left over from our last shared meal
- an overflowing container of unemptied trash
- a radio still tuned to weather & traffic
- a username called forth by my cache
- a spot on the rug where we last made magic
Sharp throbbing through the center of my core
Grieving still
That what once was…isn’t anymore
Wow! Now that's some real talk there. Really gut wrenching, but I think it exactly describes the nightmare of a break up. I loved "fearful of the permanence of change...the possibility that once was....will never be again"
ReplyDeleteaw. this is so universal in its specificity, beautiful and aching. hope you are well!
ReplyDeletei stopped by to say this: As Poets United reaches its first anniversary this coming week we want to thank you for your support. Over the past year we have grown to 250 members plus and are steadily growing. Poets United is proud to have you as one of our members and look forward to another successful year. Your imagination, creativity and willingness to share with us is what makes our community such a wonderful place. Thank you for beautiful poetry and thank you for being a part of Poets United.