Grief cycle

Seeking solace

From a self-imposed hell

Swinging pendulum wide

from step 2 to step 5 and back again

Angry at feeling so connected to another human being

Accepting of the reason for this overdue season of distance

Disappointed that I allowed myself to grow attached

despite early warnings of certain doom-state

(like a hurricane survivor who wouldn't -or couldn't?- evacuate)

Fearful of the permanence of change…the possibility

That once was…will never be again

Aching all around the edges of the gaping hole he left

Unsolicited images flood my brain

I move from one distracting task to the next

Taunted by

• a toothbrush & shampoo bottle overlooked in the rush
  
• leftovers left over from our last shared meal
• an overflowing container of unemptied trash
  
• a radio still tuned to weather & traffic
  
• a username called forth by my cache
• a spot on the rug where we last made magic

Sharp throbbing through the center of my core

Grieving still

That what once was…isn’t anymore

The Wisdom of Whitley Gilbert

relax...

...all i ever wanted was the gift of time
energies exchanged
lightened moods and words
- your words -
entwined with mine
in a sublime
duet
that went to show how
intimately
one can...

relate...

one to another
sister to brother
daughter to mother
lover to lover
...cipher...
beyond linear
through stanzas
unspoken inkblood
tells stories independent of
writer and reader
...stories spilled over begging

release...

...like a long-anticipated date
tracked on cement walls
3 wise words
from an unlikely sage
your gift from me
be free
nothing holds you back
be free
new heights await
be free

honeysuckle hyperbole

ardently awaiting his
e - a - c - h - a - n - d - e - v - e - r - y
1/26th
arranged into patterns
eliciting
slow whines
tingling spines
lock-picked minds
like cherished checks on an
erasable calendar
of memories

reminiscent of a junkie's endless search for another first

sweet and fleeting
as honeysuckle nectar
blessing virgin tongue

once tasted
forever bound
haunted by the bitter and beloved
afterglow
of his...
...verse

swimming lessons

our suffering salts oceans

submerge in it
humbled by its grandesse

swim swim swim swim
swim swim swim

buoyed by ancestral grace

then get out, dry off
live legacy

love laugh thrive

our joys float cirrus striations

Gazpacho Gumption

my whole life, i've avoided tomatoes, despite a deep-seated desire to pick a juicy specimen off the vine and bite into it, liquid coursing down my chin...

as a kid i ate my spaghetti plain, with butter and cheese
no tomato please

as a teen, i'd order sandwiches -no tomatoes- and grimace
when they'd forget and leave me to pick off each slimy seed

as an adult, i grew to appreciate vinegared sauces, even teaching myself
to eat the chunky bits - first by closing my eyes, then pretending they were pieces of red bell pepper...

and now, as a mom, i find myself compelled to model the green eggs and ham rule (don't say you don't like it til you actually try it!)

so when the kids and i stumbled into a free cooking demonstration, and we watched the chef chop, dice and liquify lovely fresh local organic produce, then season it and serve it on a fancy tray, i tried it.

i lived. i even found some small enjoyment in the blend of flavors... as long as i didn't think too long or hard on the number or taste of raw tomatoes mixed in...

oh the thrill. i've savored and swallowed gazpacho...there's hope for me yet!

Three Things Tag

Tagged by lovelyannie

Here are my responses:

3 places I would pack my travel bag for

Dakar
Montreal
Fiji

3 On-Screen characters I love to watch

Idgie Threadgood (Fried Green Tomatoes)
Mouse (Devil in a Blue Dress)
anyone played by Zhang Ziyi (Crouching Tiger, Flying Daggers, Geisha, etc.)

3 moods that describes me the best

goofy
passionate
thoughtful

3 things I always think of doing on a weekend

making memories with the munchkins
doing laundry/chores/cooking for the week
working (catching up/getting ahead...)

3 things from my childhood that I can’t forget

a recurring dream of flying

the lyrics to the Jem theme song

bringing a favorite story to life

3 things I would never say no to

a trip to the beach

dancing to good music

an adventure

3 things I can’t live without

my children
purpose
laughter

I am tagging my following friends:

property value (senryu)

shots reverberate
cherubs dream fireworks transformed
home sweet home for now

somewhere across town
bay windows welcome voyeurs
city living's best

the toe check

testing volcanic waters
-wellness infused-

impatient yet unconditioned
to the blistering burn

yearning to float beyond
the sphere of flesh
to some nirvana state

where i submerge fully
at will
unscathed by fear of
heat or consequence

saturday morning entertainment

bedsprings sing
hips colliding
activate force
like

wondertwin power rings

in reverse
She becomes liquid
He becomes beast
transforming bedroom
into sensory feast
inhibitions unleashed
embracing dionysian splendor
to hedon's fullest glory
both swiftly surrender
as reality succumbs readily to a
poet's allegory

reflection of a nation

psychologists say
that which we find odious
in others
is that which we loathe most
in ourselves
...if...
we are a nation
that fears fascism
decries racial apartheid
and caste systems
fiercely combats
childhood starvation
medical deprivation
pandemic devastation
of AIDS, money-driven bloodshed,
moral superiority
and religious fanaticism
on foreign soil

what do we see in the mirror?

in their absence

their absence paints the walls
shades of mellow
subdued
excess energy to spend
elsewhere
than where it belongs
showered into small upturned faces
and huge wide open souls
everything influenced
by their lack
even seconds apart
not breathing
til they are back
strung out and taut like sheets on a summer line
moved only by outside winds
their absence oozes through my pores
until they’re home again

fusion

limbs twist
features contort
navels french kiss
sweat combines
your pheromones and mine
skin melds
bodies interlock
your ship in my slip
two souls intertwined
fused at the atomic level
union of intervention divine