Seeking solace
From a self-imposed hell
Swinging pendulum wide
from step 2 to step 5 and back again
Angry at feeling so connected to another human being
Accepting of the reason for this overdue season of distance
Disappointed that I allowed myself to grow attached
despite early warnings of certain doom-state
(like a hurricane survivor who wouldn't -or couldn't?- evacuate)
Fearful of the permanence of change…the possibility
That once was…will never be again
Aching all around the edges of the gaping hole he left
Unsolicited images flood my brain
I move from one distracting task to the next
Taunted by
- a toothbrush & shampoo bottle overlooked in the rush
- leftovers left over from our last shared meal
- an overflowing container of unemptied trash
- a radio still tuned to weather & traffic
- a username called forth by my cache
- a spot on the rug where we last made magic
Sharp throbbing through the center of my core
Grieving still
That what once was…isn’t anymore
